I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
