i think i have two assholes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
