This is not my ceiling
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
