so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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