At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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