I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
