Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
