I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
