i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
