My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
