My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
