Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
