My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
