you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
