I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
