She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
