Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
