Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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