OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
