When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you had me at cake vodka
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
