I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
