The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
