how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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