the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
