you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
