Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
