We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize