I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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