i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
