I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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