he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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