We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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