This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
