i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
