and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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