Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
