He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
