you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
