I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
