You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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