Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Drunk is not a location!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
