I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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