I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
