How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
