Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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