I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
