Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
