i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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