I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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