Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Holy sore nipples Batman
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
