he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think i have two assholes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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