I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
