I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
