i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
