I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
