what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
