i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
