We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
