I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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