So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
