i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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