Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All the doctor said was why
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
