The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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