I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
