someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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